Who are ‘They’

They are all around us.

They tell us one week that eggs are bad and full of colesterol, then the next week that it’s not the bad type of colesterol and they are actually really good.

They tell us it’s bad to smack our children, for the Syrian government to bomb their children, to use chlorine gas on their children, for children to play too many video games. They might be right there I think. Except for the games, games are fine, stop people getting bored and running at mattresses with knives shouting some gibberish.

They tell us President Trump is going to pacify the Korean peninsula, that China’s claim to some islands off of the Philippines are totally legit, or not,  that no one’s racist no more even though like 30 per cent of the people in Australian prisons are Aboriginal despite being about 3% of the population, and in the USA they no racist either with all those African Americans in the clanger. They tell us slavery was a choice. Maybe they didn’t see roots, or twelve years a slave. They tell us the unemployed choose to not get a job, that all those dumb kids with wealthy parents with jobs deserve them jobs because otherwise how could they afford them fancy cars and iphones.

They tell us the Antarctica is melting and the oceans are rising, Europe is freezing, Brexit is bad, four legs are good, two legs are better.

They tell us to watch out for strangers, though it’s more often the ones we know who hurt us. They tell us it’s a changing world, now with the threat of terrorism around every corner, like it never existed before. Haven’t they heard of the 1970s when it seemed like every second plane was hijacked and taken to Cuba, at least that´s what they say on Flying High the movie they also call Airplane! in America.

They tell us it´s fake news, unless it´s real. They tell us some company manipulated the US election by playing on our fears. Like Julius Caesar didn´t tweet some crap about the Gauls being barbarians and needing to be stopped before they brought their smelly cheese to Rome when he captured Vercingetorix #missionaccomplished They tell us the French let the Nazis just walk into their country despite the piles of dead French telling a different tale.

They tell us all sorts of things, useful things, shitty things, sometimes very boring things about an heir to the British throne marrying someone and that someone got invited and maybe someone else didn’t and that they are going to have food at the wedding and alcohol I suspect and maybe a band and some speeches, but this is all very special because they live in the castle, and not a Howel´s Moving Castle like in the Ghibli film.

¿But who are they? They are most certainly men, I would imagine. Probably white folk, who own ties, sitting in a room knowing they are they. Maybe the more sensible things they say are said by women. I imagine women theys might be better than the other theys, that’s just a guess though as I don’t know who they are. But then they´ll say they are lesbians or feminists if they don´t like the things they say, because they are also probably hetros who just have sex with wives and actresses from the adult film industry that they all say they don´t ever watch.

There they go, sprouting off some fact or fiction again. I’m not here to surprise you and say, hey I know who they are! They are Mormons, or Scientologists or large multinational corporations trying to sell baby food to starving Africans. or they are cultish splinter group of the Dodgers baseball franchise trying to sell more Lasorda bobble heads so they can summon up the spirit of their ancestors and get the world cup or whatever they get for winning it so they can turn it into a Horcrux.

Maybe they are a benevolent force for good, a tautological society for alienist understanding of the mind which they tell us we only use 10 per cent of though they also say, does that make sense, you use 100% you dipshit. They might be like Batman and the Green Hornet, just not wanting us to know who they are, even though they do all this awesome shit. They are the people who keep the door open when old frail ladies with bags of groceries are trying to get in and then when an apple falls out they put it back into the old lady’s bag despite it being bruised, well she grew up out west during the dust storm of the depression, so she knows how to cut off a little piece of bruised apple.

No, I have no idea who they are, and I expect I never will. They could be from Venus, they could be from Mars. I just hope they know what they are talking about when they need to, and that we know they don´t when they don´t.

But then again, they are like that.